hey.. what can i say?! i'm very fine today and i don't know why... everything around me is wrong and everythings a mess and full of problems but here i am laughing my lungs out and smiling to everyone!! what the hell is happening to me!?!?! maybe i am currently suffering from moodswingesis (haha. . .)! i'm feeling so much better now.. and also i have opened my mind somehow about that problem i had with my affairs.... iveRson is nothing feeling quite happy today and maybe that's because of the sanction our class is currently suffering.. and maybe because he and his girl had a sort of an LQ again..... (bummer. .) i'm worried for him coz he's never been this quiet and he never wears that super indescribable sadness in his face.. to the point that he doesn't even want to talk to anybody..... sign language all the way man!! i hate it..,
bLOgGerzzzzzzz...
Love is the New Hate
Carve your heart out yourself
WaVeS oF LiFe
`Now what the hell are you waiting for?!` --(excerpt line form Numb/Encore song by LP and Jay-Z..) i'm confused since yesterday... i didn't know what i was doing and thinking... it's like i was possessed or something.. helL.... `i've become so numb....` i hate myself for doing that farfetched thing or saying those things yesterday,.. i'll just hurt a very important person in my life.. it's like i'll do the thing i never wanted to happen to him..... . . . i hate it.. i want to turn back time and change it. . . 21.. i don't know.... i'm confused and out of touch. . . . . i numb.. my body and mind are so numb..... what the helL was i thinking!?!? i want to clear this mess to him or worst.. stop this insensible thing... but it's like helL just thinking about it.. hurting him...
it's so much to take. . . . but i'm hurting myself too.. what am i to do....
i better do something soon or it'll be a lot worse.. hate this life. . . .
``
Tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
don't know what you're expecting of me
pushed under the pressure of walking in your shoes
every step that i make is another mistake to you
and every second i waste is more than i can take..
i've become so numb
i can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
i'm becoming this
all i want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you.....
``
It's raining hard outside.. 1st rain this year... we have a periodical test tomorrow but i really don`t care much., it's like.. i don't know.... i just don't really care as of this moment.... i don't feel the tension or whatsoever.., iveRson.. he gave this payment this morning... 50 pesos.. he squeezed and crumpled it a bit before giving it to me.. he even wanted to hold my hand! i don't know., again he is with that `look` again... whenever our eyes meet,, he smiles at me in a very indescribable manner.. sometimes he winks and sometimes he makes face like a cute baby... whatever he was/is thinking.. i don't have a clue.... he's so mysterious nowadays and i can't keep track of what is in his mind unlike last year.., i'm not sure with what is happening to me but all i can say is that in everything i do., he's always in my mind and all i can talk and think about is him.... they say i'm not in love but i oppose.. of i'm not then why.................?
hey.. my day is a bit good and not so good,, good coz of the fact that i have been with my sTaR... not so good coz of Cariz., she just pisses me off to the point that i want to blow my head off! she`s so insensitive and ignorant.. i hate people like that.,, i`m still not sure about what iveRson is thinking but he`s getting more and more strange each day.... today he was very shy about how he looks but it doesn`t really matter with me.. i wanted to tell him that but i didn`t have the chance,, i went to SM this evening and met with my mom coz i need to buy a new pair of shoes.. good thing there is one that i liked... hope it`ll look good on me., timothy doesn`t call much anymore.. so as Iki but he called me yesterday.... not really sure what exactly we were talking about but it was ok.. at least he remembered me...
Earlier, i was asking Tim to call me but i just rescheduled it tomorrow... i`m going to ask him about Nerozel.. i`m really curious about who she really is.... by the way,, Eskei already apologized to me about that stupid message his account sent to me last week.. he claims he was hacked.... (as if?!) but i forgive him... wasn`t his fault anyway (according to him.,)! (hahaha. . .) hmm what else... -- time check: 12:14 AM -- ,, yep it`s already midnight and i`m still up!! to think that i have a 7`o clock class tomorrow.. but it`s ok...
tomorrow.. i mean today is a half day (012005),, and i`m not really going home early (duh?! when did i go home early?!?!?)... i hope everything will be bright and happy today.... ok gudnyt.. got to sleep even for a few hours., got to be up 4:50AM in order not to be late again!! blog again next time.. maybe after the periodical tests or this weekend i suppose..... (haha. . . ) ;P
Like what i was saying from my previous post,, i'm very happy about our so called "date"... he was just so sweet, understanding and funny... you'll never get bored! i really love that guy and it hurts that i see him with 'her'.... it hurts me so bad to the point that i wanted to cry specially when she hurts him., it`s just so unfair.... but i'll stay this way., act this way and keep my distance this way coz i don't wanna hurt any of them coz they're my friends... i want the best for them.. and based on what i see in him... he really loves and cares for his girl and i respect that,, and somehow i'm happy for the both of them..... :)
Over and Over
- Nelly f/ Tim McGraw
Cause it's all in my head
I think about it
Over and over again
And I can't keep
Picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad
Yeah, cause it's all in my head
I think about it
Over and over again
I replay it
Over and over again
And I can't take it
I can't shake it, no
I can't wait to see you
Wanna see if you still got that
Look in your eye
That one you had for me
Before we said our goodbyes
And it's a shame that we
Gotta spend our time
Being mad about the same things
Over and over again
About the same thing
Over and over again
Oh but I think she's leaving on
And she's leaving here
And I don't know what else to do
(Can't go on not loving you)
Cause it's all in my head
I think about it
Over and over again
And I can't keep
Picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad
Yeah, cause it's all in my head
I think about it
Over and over again
I replay it
Over and over again
And I can't take it
I can't shake it, no
I remember the day you left
I remember the last breath
You took right in front of me
When you said that you would leave
I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you
Or say anything
But I see clearly now
And this choice I made keeps
Playing in my head
Over and over again
It play in my head
Over and over again
Oh but I think she's leaving on
And she's leaving here
And I don't know what else to do
(Can't go on not loving you)
Cause it's all in my head
I think about it
Over and over again
And I can't keep
Picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad
Yeah, cause it's all in my head
I think about it
Over and over again
I replay it
Over and over again
And I can't take it
I can't shake it, no
Now that I realize
That I'm going down
From all this pain you
Put me through
Everytime I close my eyes
I like it down
Oh, I can't go on not loving you
Cause it's all in my head
I think about it
Over and over again
And I can't keep
Picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad
Yeah, cause it's all in my head
I think about it
Over and over again
I replay it
Over and over again
And I can't take it
I can't shake it, no
Cause it's all in my head
I think about it
Over and over again
And I can't keep
Picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad
Yeah, cause it's all in my head
I think about it
Over and over again
I replay it
Over and over again
And I can't take it
I can't shake it, no
wow! just expirienced how happy the feeling of a "happy day" was... i love it!! it's like this.. remember my sTaR iveRson? he just opened up to me this monday and i was just soooo happy!!! and then yesterday... we just had our 1st "date"!!!!! you'll never imagine how happy and excited i was that time.. it was our general practice for our play in filipino., "eL fiLi".... i'm gonna tell you the whole story later this week.., see yah later.... =P
Yep.. My first post coz i just made it.... Just doin` my projcct here at mom's., this could be a good day for me if not for the absence of iveRson... however, this day is still a happy day coz he texted me this lunch time and asked how we were! isn't he caring?! haha . . decided to name this blog "heaven`s wingz" after my sitename coz i can't think of anything else and also i liked the sound of it!! gonna attend lola's birthday party later this evening at 7 with my cousins.. i miss "him" so much to the point that i wanted to call him at home or something... i'm going nuts . . . . .
I really like Billy Crawford's new song --"Bright Lights".. I love dancing to it... in fact,, i have memorized and practiced it's dance steps
well.. gotta finish this damn book report of mine or i'm DEAD!!
hope this blog site works for me not like xanga . . . got pretty boring there.. :)
:::bilLy joE::: 
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